'Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen' Destroys Box Office

I’m going to try and refrain from doing a review of the movie itself and just report on its wildly successful initial five days at the box office. Up to now, it’s already made $387.3 million (domestic and international grosses combined) according to Variety:

‘The five-day opening gross of $201.2 million (domestic) from 4,234 theaters domestically easily eclipsed the $152.4 million earned by "Spider-Man 2," which previously held the five-day record for a Wednesday launch. And "Transformers 2" nearly matched the best five-day gross of all time: $203.8 million for WB’s "The Dark Knight".’

Thank god it hasn’t touched "The Dark Knight" in that respect–I honestly don’t know what I’d do. I have such a tenuous faith in the intelligence of the public as it is, and if such a well-made, intelligent, thematically dense, and relentlessly entertaining movie as "TDK" can be less popular than such a slap-dash, barely-realized, wholly nonsensical-to-the-point-of-insulting-the-intelligence-of-the-audience trash heap like "TF2", then clearly we are all doomed.

And I stand by my earlier assertions that "Transformers" is popular because "Transformers" is popular. It doesn’t matter how good or bad the movie is–it matters that it’s giant robots punching each other and slick cars turning into confusing jumbles of metal. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy, and it is not in any way due to the lack of talent of its director–OR due to his overwhelming cache of talent, as some people believe he holds. It doesn’t matter who directed the "Transformers" movies–it was going to be monstrously successful no matter what.

Which means I can retain the tattered, shivering edges of my sanity for a little while longer.

And there’s more reason for hope:

‘Although the Michael Bay-helmed pic sucked up most of the oxygen at the box office, other pics scored notable numbers. Disney-Pixar’s "Up" surpassed Par’s "Star Trek" to become the year’s highest-grossing title at the domestic B.O. (The film’s cume through Sunday was an estimated $250.2 million, boosted by the added charge for 3-D tickets.)’

"Up" is a bona-fide classic; the kind of timeless movie you’re going to be showing to your kids and your grandkids for generations, and it’s never going to fade with time or fickle pop culture tastes. So that puts a smile on my face, even though "TF2" is going to easily overcome its box office in no time flat.

Luckily, I’d be shocked if this movie ultimately comes CLOSE to the box office for "The Dark Knight". "TDK" benefitted from multiple repeat viewings and extremely strong praise from critics and audiences across the board. Once the dazzle of all the shiny special effects fades, I expect "ROTF" to fade, as well. It will make lots and lots and lots of money, but at least we’ll still have our Geek Movie high-water-mark, "The Dark Knight", to point to as our saving grace.

I leave you with a final, chilling note of doom:

‘"Transformers 3" is tentatively slotted to open July 1, 2011.’

<<shudder>>…