Best G.I. Joe Commercials Of All Time

To kick off "G.I. Joe Week" here at Bam!Kapow!, we figured why not start where a lot of us first got plugged into the whole Joe universe in the first place? The toys? And how did we know about the toys? Why, the commercials, of course! No, I’m not talking about the 22-minute cartoon that SERVED as a commercial, I’m talking about the actual commercials themselves.  

There’s HUNDREDS of them out there (I think–I stopped counting), so we tried to narrow it down to the ones with the  most impact/the coolest/the most to say about what made the whole Joe line great in the first place. Disagree? Think we forgot some? Sound off in the comments!

#10: A shoutout to the 1960’s: One of The Ones That Started It All!:

And one of the ones that started "The Real American Hero" Line–simplicity itself; cool names, cool voice, cool figures–go get ‘em, kids!:

#9: This commercial kicks ass on a number of levels–cartoon footage, awesome playset, Cobras-all-falling-down-in-a-domino-effect-because-Sgt. Slaughter-Is-That-Awesome, AND an appearance from the man himself, Sgt. "Inexplicably A Character In The Real American Hero Line" Slaughter, and all of that is followed up by tantalizing stand-alone glimpses of what the toys look like out of the package, including what figure you SHOULD buy separate from the vehicle, since figures are sold separately. This was the stuff dreams were made of, made all the more real because Sgt. Slaughter was yelling at us.

#8: They feel each others’ pain! They jump through hoops of flame! They’re…fabulous! Seriously, though, did any other character get their own commercial like this? I know they’re selling the vehicle too, but this was more a figure-selling thing than a vehicle-selling thing. Maybe because they were a two pack? Anyhoo, what makes this commercial is the quick glimpse of a kids-playing-with-toys-holy-grail: ZIP LINE. Zip Lines effin’ rocked. Also it nicely sums up what makes the whole toy line great–CHARACTER. You made up personalities for these guys or adhered to what the comic/cartoon told you. Way more depth and fun than most other toy lines.:

#7: The Joe commercials had lots of familiar features, and some of them sell it better than others. For me as a kid, this commercial badly made me want EVERY Dreadnok so they could all fit on the sweet Thunder Machine, AND the Joe motorcycle because the chase scene looked so FAST. Plus it’s a prime example of the toy line’s commercial-specific ridiculous songs that we probably all absent-mindedly sang after we walked away from the TV for DAYS.:

#6: One of the first commercials to ever make me drool–this showed off the original G.I. Joe headquarters brilliantly, showing you all the cool features that ensured that it got to the absolute top of your Christmas list (not that Santa ever gave it to us–that fat bastard):

#5: Pretty much all of the comic book commercials–did you guys even know commercials for comic books EXISTED? Of course you did, you’re a geek. But anyway, t hese rocked in terms of wish fulfillment–the comics come to animated life:

#4: We all wanted to be a G.I. Joe, right? Well how better to do that than to eat what (we presumed) they ate? Hence, the G.I. Joe cereal–and the commercial that put you right alongside your favorite characters, in an action-scenario situation, just to get to your breakfast. If I’d had my druthers, I would have subsisted solely on this stuff for the duration of time it was available in stores.

#3: The ultimate, the big boy–the holy grail–the U.S.S. Flagg. This commercial sums it all up brilliantly by optical effect-ing 9-year-old boys ONTO the Flagg. YES, Hasbro, exactly. We all wanted it, we all wanted to be ON it–the only thing that could have been more on the nose is if they put those boys into G.I. Joe costumes/uniforms.:

(The Terror Drome commercial is close, but the title goes to the Flagg on this one:)

#2: Many years before the G.I. Joe movie, we got a tantilizing glimpse of what the characters would look like in the flesh, and we were never the same. Destro’s amazingly strong! Storm Shadow vs. Ninjas! An ongoing storyline! Amazing. And though they were in the years when G.I. Joe was all about the gimmick, they still had the power to grab you and make you want those toys more than air itself.

#1: The G.I. Joe line was great because it had a fun cartoon and comic, seemingly endless amounts of characters, vehicles and playsets that actually DID STUFF, and all of that equaled limitless fun and any kind of adventure you could possibly imagine, played out via action figures you could carry around in your pocket. You can argue all you want, but for me, this sums it all up. Beautiful toys, showing off their great play features in an exciting, wholly idealistic environment that we could only dream of playing in, the Joes depicted as overcoming insurmountable odds, fantastic animation presenting you with a sweet play scenario that wasn’t so specific you had to adhere to it religiously–this is what G.I. Joe was all about, its heyday, gorgeously captured in simple, doubtless terms.