G.I. Joe Footage Was Screened!

I’m sorry G.I. Joe fans, 2009 isn’t going to be your year. The good gentlefolk of DarkHorizons.com have yet another report as further proof that Hollywood hates you, because they know what you love and they know exactly how to destroy it. Five minutes of the film, which they regrettably referred to as a “sizzle reel”, were screened on St. Patty’s Day for a select group of people who were appropriately drunk to stomach its crushing lack of dignity.

“The footage established the premise that an international military task force has been setup to combat global threats.”

Oh yeah? Hmm. I suppose assuming this based on the title alone isn’t something everyone is doing. The fun doesn’t stop there, absolutely not.

“Much of the visual effects footage, albeit mostly incomplete, showed what looked like a climactic attack by GIJOE's forces against this base - think "Thunderball" meets "Seaquest" with lots of sleek looking CG submersibles attacking similar vehicles and/or the giant metal spires that make up the various wings of the facility.”

I have to say that the last thing I EVER wanted to hear when having the G.I. Joe movie described to me was a Seaquest reference. Sub aquatic Jonathon Brandis is not something that makes me think G.I. Joe has any hopes for redemption. In fact, it makes me think of Titanic, when all those bodies are floating around the wake of the ship’s submersion. Get it… Brandis, Seaquest, underwater… fine. Too soon? Either way, I think we all know that whether this movie is bad or worse, whether it tanks at the box office or it wins a Razzie, insanely brilliant studio execs are going to rape our souls with sequels so pucker up.