Heroes For Hire #4

Released: November 22, 2006

Publisher: Marvel

Writer: Justin Gray & Jimmy Palmiotti

Penciler: Francis Portela & Billy Tucci

Cover: Billy Tucci & Mark Sparacio

 

If there was ever any doubt about this book’s intentions, this month’s cover erases all of them. The four females on the team walk towards the viewer in Pussy Cat Dolls style with full Billy Tucci cheesecake on display. This is a book specifically marketing the “Oh my god, I see ass crack on the page” crowd. I’m not one of them and I can’t stand seeing chest puffing poses for no reason. Every female character is given the same treatment and it gets really old, really quickly. It’s so bad that I’m slightly embarrassed to sit here with this comic on my table in the coffee shop, but I’ll make do.

 

The team structure, similar to New Excalibur’s problems, is almost non-existent. The issue of team dynamics is still being ignored in favor of mini-stories capturing each character’s unique style, but somehow all these competing genres will need to merge into a single unit. Misty and Colleen are bounty hunters, Shang Chi is a martial artist, Humbug and Orca are slightly reformed villains, the Black Cat is a street level superhero and who knows what exactly Tarantula is.

 

We’re introduced to Tarantula’s father and then watch him get murdered in a couple of pages. It isn’t effective drama and is only made worse by the contrast of a very goofy baby fetish club and villain in the subsequent scenes. The scene is beautifully drawn by Francis Portela yet it still does nothing to build Tarantula’s personality. She’s a flat character, unlike her chest, and it makes for horribly dull reading.

 

Shang Chi’s scene is nice and revolves around an old obscure villain, but Humbug’s is absurd. Humbug is meant to be the team foil and comedic relief but the jokes aren’t funny, I can almost hear the canned laughter, and the team’s continuing annoyance over him comes off just as emotionless and contrived. Black Cat, the only pre-developed character, is being ignored since they aren’t prepared or willing to delve into her obvious Spider-Man ties. Since she would be embroiled in all that’s going on with Spidey (and is in Spectacular Spider-Man) they leave her to become eye-candy.

 

The writers aren’t good enough to pull off the transitions from drama to absurd camp. This isn’t funny, it isn’t saying anything important, it isn’t being dramatic, and the fighting is only marginally exciting (read: I liked the Shang Chi parts), so why read it? I won’t. This’ll be my last review of this book barring some creative team change. Sorry folks but I imagine most of what I’d have to say would simply be rinsing and repeating this review. Not my idea of a good read either.

 

Rating - 3