Machete Poster: Jessica Alba

By Christopher Brown on 11.04.2009

A new poster for Robert Rodriguez’s Grindhouse movie Machete was revealed at the American Film Market.

Jessica Alba is Sartana, an ICE agent who is tracking Machete (Danny Trejo) as he wreaks havoc on his mission to assassinate a corrupt Senator (Robert De Niro…yes, you read that right), all with the help of Luz (Michelle Rodriguez as a "taco slinger"), April (Lindsay Lohan as "a socialite with a penchant for guns") and Padre (the obligatory priest, played by none other than Cheech Marin). This all takes place after a run in with the local drug lord, Torrez, played by…

Wait for it…

Steven Seagal.

Just on this lineup alone, I’m sold. This is gonna be awesome.

Image thanks to Comingsoon.net

22 Comments


 
2009-11-04 14:11:28
EL GUAPO
NO FUCKIN WAY! So excited to see this!

 
2009-11-04 15:11:12
Fisticufflinks
If any single person can fuck up a movie for me it's Jessica Alba! If any other person can fuck up a movie for me it's Lindsay Lohan! If any one else can it's Katie Holmes! Luckily this movie doesn't have Katie Holmes! But it has the deadly duo of Jessica Alba and Lindsay Lohan! FUCK! And the rest of the cast is so AWESOME, too! Especially that Steven Seagal is making an appearance!

 
2009-11-04 16:11:23
Prince Saia
Really? Hunh? What? Seriously?

 
2009-11-04 17:11:00
Fisticufflinks
Enough said ... indeed.

 
2009-11-04 17:11:15
yaguara
Ironically enough, last weekend I watched the new version of Herbie the love bug with Lohan, FF Rise of the Silver Surfer, and Marked for Death w/Seagull. Prior to her problems and underneath all of that Hilton-esque ego, Lohan is actually a decent actress. Not great but not horrible. Alba is too. She did a decent job in a role that she never should have been given. Stevie's acting is horrible. It is wooden, flat, and totally lacking in any talent.

 
2009-11-04 17:11:24
yaguara
We can agree to disagree. I have no problem with that. You expressed your opinion and I did the same for mine. Enough said.

 
2009-11-04 17:11:37
Fisticufflinks
I think you are missunderstanding me. I didn't say that Steven Seagal could act. I wouldn't say that ever. I said it's AWESOME to see him making an appearance. He's a shit actor, but he's hilarious to watch and it's really fun watching him Kick-Ass! As far as your claim of those girls being able to act ... well that isn't fact, it's your opinion. You have yours, I stand behind mine! They both Ruin films for me!

 
2009-11-04 17:11:40
yaguara
All three of them are really more eye-candy than anything else. Lohan and Alba for their looks and Steve for his moves. Given a decent script and decent direction - that pushes the girls to develop their talent and limits the amount of dialogue that Seagal gets to something short and simple and just lets him go fight people. Then this could easily be a good movie.

 
2009-11-04 19:11:45
yaguara
See kids, this is how adults disagree. No shouting, no name calling, no posturing. Isn't it amazing how much smoother things go when we practice a little civility? Ok, relax. I am just poking fun. No attack on anyone intended.

 
2009-11-05 06:11:50
Fisticufflinks
That's Humorous.

 
2009-11-05 11:11:05
Dr. Kronner
That sucked. Stop being so civil. Someone call someones else's mom something derogatory!!

 
2009-11-05 13:11:34
yaguara
Oh, and keep up the good work.

 
2009-11-05 13:11:51
yaguara
Okay, but remember you asked. *ahem* Dr Kronner, you sir, are as worhtless a waste of bad sperm as it is humanly possible to imagine. I don't know who should be shot first you, that bottomless pit of pestulence and vile that may or may not be your biological father, or that cavernous mouth of flatulence that spawned you.

 
2009-11-05 16:11:32
Toni Smith
Plus I really wish you'd stop trying to make eye contact when you're blowing me Kronner, I fucking hate that.

 
2009-11-05 16:11:33
Dr. Kronner
OH MAN! First off, Toni, you will accept the eye contact or I'll start getting 'teethy'
Secondly, Yguara - That's better.
Also, Yo Mamma!

 
2009-11-05 19:11:05
Toni Smith
You start getting toothy I won't pay you that roll of nickels, I'll just go back to yagura, smoking all that meth took care of all his teeth.

 
2009-11-05 21:11:46
yaguara
Wait! He gets nickels?

 
2009-11-06 09:11:30
Fisticufflinks
Yeah ... Toni ... where do you get the Nickels to give Kronner? I know I only leave a role of Pennies up your Asshole when your licking my balls. You shouldn't be so generous!

 
2009-11-06 17:11:09
Toni Smith
I keep those pennies a s a cherished memento Fisti, I get the nickels from pimping out the old folks home.

 
2009-11-06 22:11:50
k5kmagnum
Looking forward to a fun time watching this film when its finished! As far as Jessica Alba goes, it just depends on the role. I really liked Dark Angel, and enjoyed her in Sin City. Fantastic Four movies were not so good, but she makes good eye candy amongst a poorly written, directed and cast series. So much potential there and so little care was taken with the product that they came out with.

 
2009-11-07 19:11:06
david660
Just for this cast alone i'm gonna see this...hell just for Alba alone i would probably see it.

 
2009-11-08 07:11:54
Fisticufflinks
Ah, Yes the old folks home ... I know how much my dear old Mom is happy for your work there, Toni!

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