The Best Psychopaths in Comics, Part 1

Bob: So fucker, heard you have a place for psychos deep down in your heart.

Zipp: Who doesn't? I mean, whatever are you talking about?

Bob: Don’t worry, we all have a love for them. Just not to the degree that you do. I heard you have a collection of Dahmer's underwear in your closet!

Zipp: Lies and slander. And what brings this up?

Bob: I was on the toilet and thought about it.

Zipp: Well, that's a disturbing mental image. You insistin' we need to do a piece on the best psychopaths in comics?

Bob: If you think I'm not, you're goin' on the list.

Zipp: Hey, I never said I wasn't down for such a thing! I agree with you wholeheartedly! Every decent piece of media worth its salt has a crazy ass mother fucker in it, and comics are no exception. You ready?

Bob: As ready as I was when we decided to make that trip to New Orleans!

Zipp: Eh, yeah. Let's never mention that weekend again. So, for all you readers out there, I must warn you, this article is FULL OF SPOILERS as well as an intense amount of GRAPHIC CONTENT. So please, if that isn't your thing, go read an article by Gabe Medina.

Bob: Yeah, that fanboy can go and tell you all about how much he wants to sleep with Iron Man. You'll dig it.

Zipp: It's all in love, Gabe. All in love. Let's do this.

10. The Frenchman (The Boys)

Bob: Frenchman maintains the spot of lead muscle in Garth Ennis's "The Boys." He's French, talks to himself while looking into cups of tea, and wears Tank Goggles 24 hours a day.

Zipp: Yeah, that definitely seems a tad bit unbalanced. That, mixed with his absolute willingness to use violence regardless of the circumstance, most certainly makes him worthy of being on this list.

Bob: And the violence is so over the top. Most of the time, all you see is an enormous burst of blood, and that's about all that's left. I once saw the guy smash two people together and meld their faces into a huge pile of gore!

Zipp: Plus, when you're a member of a group dedicated to beating the shit out of superheroes, and people within said group find you're super violent personality unsettling, you must be doing something right. And I'm pretty sure he's tried to get in The Female's pants before. Now that's crazy.

Bob: What the fuck was that joke? Are you an aging mother?

Zipp: Fuck off.

The Best "Wow, That Guy's a Total Badass" Moment

Zipp: Beating the shit out of three Americans who called him a 'surrender monkey'. In the middle of a crowded coffee house.

The Best "Wow, That Was a Tad Bit Overboard" Moment

Bob: Like I said earlier, literally melding two men's faces together into an enormous pile of gore.

Any Excuses For His Behavior?

Zipp: His origin has yet to be told, so it’s currently unknown as to why he is the way he is.

9. Onomatopoeia (Green Arrow, Batman)

Zipp: Onomatopoeia, a serial killer with a name that haunts anyone who's ever been in a spelling bee before, has a very particular M.O. - He only preys on non-powered superheroes. Now, while this might seem like a pussy move, going after ordinary human beings instead of dudes like Superman, it's quite the opposite. Now why, might you ask? Because the man tried to hunt down Batman. That's right. The God damned Batman.

Bob: To me, he just looks like a child molester. Creepy enough.

Zipp: Creepy is a good way to put it. He only speaks in onomatopoeia (hence the name), which despite sounding like something your annoying little cousin would do to bug you, comes off as downright eerie.

Bob: That, and the serial killing.

Zipp: While ultimately failing to kill Batman (get in line, buddy), our English-class themed psychopath gets points for killing a significant amount of other vigilantes, as well as their loved ones.

The Best "Wow, That Guy's a Total Badass" Moment

Bob: The man got his ass completely demolished by Green Arrow. But instead of giving up like a bitch, he sauntered over to Gotham to have it handed to him again by Batman. Plus he stabbed the Joker in the chest.

The Best "Wow, That Was a Tad Bit Overboard" Moment

Zipp: Not only wounding Connor Hawke, but following him to the hospital to attack him again while on the operating table.

Any Excuses For His Behavior?

Bob: Like The Frenchman, his origin story has yet to be revealed. This one is also unknown.

8. Barracuda (Punisher: MAX)

Bob: Barracuda happened to be one of my favorite villains from Garth Ennis's "Punisher MAX" series. He's an enormous black man with "Fuck You" written in a golden grill on his teeth. He's a hired killer, and leads life by how big the price tag is.

Zipp: Some of the shit this guy did was unbelievable. The main thing he has going against him, however, is the fact that he does it all for money. But the acts of violence he has committed have been so atrocious that no sane man could do them.

Bob: Absolutely not. Along with being able to take the damage he has and still remain in the game, there’s something sub-human about Barracuda.

Zipp: Whether it be torture, rape, mutilation, or good ole' fashioned all-out warfare, Barracuda was stone cold crazy til his untimely demise at the hands of the Punisher. It's pretty hard to hold it against someone if they get killed by the Punisher. A lot of bad guys end up dying like that.

Bob: In all seriousness, if I were to pick a villain for another Punisher movie, it would be Barracuda. At least, if they don't fuck him up like the last one. Please, if you're gonna use an actor from the Green Mile, use it on this guy. "I'm gonna get my applesauce back". What the fuck was that shit?

The Best "Wow, That Guy's a Total Badass" Moment

Zipp: Getting his fingers cut off with a hatchet in a fight, and laughing about it.

The Best "Wow, That Was a Tad Bit Overboard" Moment

Bob: Cutting off a man's testicles, taking out the man's eyeballs, then putting the man’s testicles into his eye sockets, and sewing them shut. The man lived.

Any Excuses For His Behavior?

Bob: Someone gotta make dat moooooney!

Zipp: Plus some severe parental abuse as a child. That might have had an influence.

7. Rorschach (Watchmen)

Zipp: Rorschach is, technically speaking, the only 'good guy' (and I use that term grudgingly) to make this list. Despite being a little ginger guy, Rorschach holds the honor of doing the most fucked up things in Alan Moore's classic "Watchmen". And considering the other characters in that story, that's saying A LOT.

Bob: Yeah. Not gonna lie, from all the Watchmen press, I've grown very tired of Rorschach, but despite that, he's still crazy as fuck. Man thinks about dog heads that are cleaved in half. Whattayou expect?

Zipp: Considering he cleaved them in half himself, I guess it's understandable. But still. Damn. We could catalogue all the twisted shit this guy did, but it would be easier to just list all the nice things he did.

Bob: ……..

Zipp: ……..

The Best "Wow, That Guy's a Total Badass" Moment

Bob: He defeated an extremely dangerous man in a prison riot by doing little more than breaking his toilet. Way to go electricity!

The Best "Wow, That Was a Tad Bit Overboard" Moment

Zipp: Covering a man in boiling grease, an action which killed him slowly and painfully.

Any Excuses For His Behavior?

Zipp: Had an abusive and neglecting mother, absent father, and was picked on as a child. But still, boiling grease? Christ almighty…

6. Franky (The Goon)

Bob: My boy Franky here, from Eric Powell's ongoing and fantastic "The Goon" series, is quite possibly the highlight and always the comic relief of each issue. Along with his humor comes his utter insanity. He has a habit of stabbing things in their eyes, drinking, chasing strange women while telling them horribly vulgar things, cheating on said women, and setting people on fire while enjoying it. So just about everything fun.

Zipp: I guess you could say that Franky is a good guy too, being that he's the Goon's right hand man.

Bob: Both the Goon and Franky run their town; even though they're mobsters, they're still the good guys. They protect the good people of their city from the Zombie Priest on Lonely Street and his hordes of the undead. Franky on more than one occasion has run in screaming wielding a Tommy gun. That’s psycho enough for my book.

Zipp: But don't be fooled by all those kind-hearted actions. The man is a little ball of insanity. I think it's the eyes, man. Something about those eyes….

The Best "Wow, That Guy's a Total Badass" Moment

Zipp: Knife to the eye!

The Best "Wow, That Was a Tad Bit Overboard" Moment

Bob: Though it was completely badass as well, tying a vampire to the hood of a car while driving maniacally until the sun came up. The vampire was also on fire before the sun came up, mind you. That’s a bit to think about.

Any Excuses For His Behavior?

Bob: The rest of his world is pretty much batshit insane, so he's not too crazy by their standards.

The rest of the list will be continued tomorrow!

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