Exclusive 'Jonah Hex' Pics & Set Report

Well, it’s been quite the while hasn’t it? I haven’t written an article in some time now. This should probably explain a bit of that though. A few weeks or so ago, I spent a week on the set of Jonah Hex being an extra and doing some part-time gopher work. So, for all of your enjoyment, I now have lots of news on not only Jonah Hex, but “Dead of Night” and “The Expendables.” I’m gonna try and give you a bit of a play-by-play of my whole experience.

When I first arrived on set, it was a bit discouraging. I see just a bunch of white tarp tents in the middle of a field in Podunk Louisiana. Walking up, I see some of the creepiest/trashiest men I’ve ever met. Tattoos galore, a lot of long greasy hair, all of us adorned with beards. I swear, I’ve never seen more smokers in one place. I’ve been to New York, and lived on a college campus, but never have I been around so many burning cigarettes. Pretty shocking, and I smoke myself!

So I head up to the main extra tent led by Derek, a huge black dude with some long dreads. I’m gonna take the time out right now just to say that Derek is awesome. Anyway, so I get my my crap taken care of, billing things and such, and they send me over to wardrobe. My costume consists of a pair of trousers (there’s a difference damnit!) that reach all the way up to my nipples, a thin shirt, vest with what I can only assume was paint covering it, bigass boots that were close to my knees, enormous oil jacket, leather gauntlets, huge belt, Indiana Jones style hat, and a saber holder which I had to explain them had a massive East India Trading Company emblem on it.

   
I was sent from there off to make-up. The make-up was mostly a helluva lot of dirt and blood, some grease in the hair and whatnot. But what was most shocking, and nasty, was that they painted my teeth with the dirt makeup and such. Not that it’s completely ridiculous, but at the distance I was at, there was no possible way anyone would be able to see my teeth. Meh, guess it’s good that they’re trying to keep it all in line with the period.

Anyway, enough about me; I’m sure you’d all like to know about what I saw on the movie, yes? Well, my scene was on an enormous battleship that they had built for the set. No bullshit little fake backdrop or any of that, they literally had a huge fucking ironclad ship built for this scene. Now, it wasn’t made of iron; it was made to look so, but it was still an enormous boat, we’re talkin’ Noah’s ark proportions. Atop the boat, my job was just to walk around, moving crates and such, lookin’ mean as hell, and yelling at Malkovich. Now, here comes the good part. All the little secrets I learned.

First of all, there is a bit of confusion around the zombie aspect of the film. You know how we’ve all been hearing about this being John Malkovich raising an army of zombies to take over the north and whatnot? Well the rest of the crew was a bit shaky on that. They were very much all “wtf are you talking about?” But then when we mentioned something about them being a “voodoo army” they completely changed their tone, saying things like “oh, well maybe there are zombies. Something like that” and whatnot.

Second, another big question I had, and I know at least a few of you did. What about Hex’s face? Would it be CGI? Makeup? What? Well, I got a good look at it. Brolin has to go through several hours of makeup every morning to have the scarring put onto his face. And it is good! I saw the man take a drag from a cigarette and blow the smoke through that hole the strip of skin on his face makes in his cheek! It was beyond awesome!

As well, I have a few more plot points. Turnbull’s right hand man, a guy who’s name I can’t recall right now, played by the dude who cut off the whipmaster’s arm in 300, is a complete badass and psychopath. Think Ledger’s joker, but 1800’s and a helluva lot more sadistic. Man is just plain creepy. He also is fantastic with knife work and all other sorts of devious arts.   More so, I know how he dies! It’s a great scene where Hex takes him and puts his head into the propeller of the ship and decapitates him. A real fast-paced, realistic, and brutal fight scene. Just fantastic.

Other things are a little more trivial. I saw some scenes where we were all cheering on Malkovich’s Turnbull while he gives a speech on the back of the ship, all while Brolin is sneaking up on him. Also, I learned a bit about the “Dead Of Night” as it was filming in the same area. If you people thought it was going to be in theaters, I’m sorry to tell you that it’s being made for the USA channel. And it’s being camped to hell. It’s so campy it’s ridiculous. People getting all hopped up and raving on blood, not being able to tell what in the hell are the werewolves, little kids running around for no reason. You will be very disappointed.

So, that is most of my recollection of my visit to the set. It really was a lot of fun; I met some great people and had a great time despite the night shoots and mosquitos. And the money wasn’t bad either! Hopefully I’ll be back to writing regularly for you guys!