TWILIGHT breaks DARK KNIGHT Record

Saturday morning when the Box Office numbers first hit, I flipped. Now we have the weekend totals, and as I figured, NEW MOON did not surpass DARK KNIGHT for the ‘Opening Weekend Box Office Record’. 

NEW MOON ended up with $140.7 million domestically for the three-day weekend, that’s the third-biggest opening domestically, trailing the opening weekend record of THE DARK KNIGHT’s  $158 million and also is behind SPIDERMAN 3’s $151.1 million. However, it did take over for single day gross on Friday.

Now, in the last 70 years Batman has seen his share of embarrassments.

We had the Schumacher movies with the Bat-nipples and Credit card. The thousands of gay jokes spawned from the 60’s TV show, and then, of course, Fatman.

But none of those things bother me as much as the following headline did.

‘New Moon’ Shreds Movie Records! Opens To $72.7M Biggest Friday, $125M Weekend

That’s right, ‘Biggest Friday’, which immediately to me meant ‘Bigger than DARK KNIGHT’. I realize that Box Office doesn’t mean a whole lot, but it was nice to have a quality film in that record holding spot for a while. It renewed a little faith in humanity for me. That is gone now. When a movie like TWILIGHT: NEW MOON can set records we have truly lost. Just kill me now. Cancel IT’S ALWAYS SUNNY IN PHILADELPHIA and replace it with another reality show about brides/cakes/home make-overs. Add Lindsey Lohan to the cast of SONS OF ANARCHY, and let Paris Hilton host the NFL halftime show. TMZ can put out an entire movie each week about Brad Pitt and the Tomb Raider chick adopting babies and I’ll just crawl inside a refrigerator box with my GODFATHER DVDs. I don’t need to see next season’s #1 show: GUYS WITH ABS WHO ARE ALERGIC TO SHIRTS.

DARK KNIGHT pulled in $67 million on its first day, or about $5.5 million less than the new Twilight movie. I just cringe to think that a movie about Vampires and Werewolves could be so unappealing. But when sunlight makes them ‘sparkle’ as opposed to explode into a fiery death, I feel like some of the vampire mystique has been taken away. And the werewolves aren’t allowed to wear shirts? WTF? This isn’t Rambo shirtless either, this is male-model shirtless. 

THE DARK KNIGHT currently holds an 8.9/10 rating on IMDB and it used to be higher. It won an Oscar, and pretty much everyone universally agrees it was a great film. NEW MOON conversely holds a 4.4/10. That is lower than WOLVERINE: 6.7, X-MEN 3: 6.9, or GHOST RIDER: 5.2. I mean a 4.4 is not even on par with THE SPIRIT (5.0) or TANK GIRL (4.7). This is a movie that follows up a movie that even diehard fans of the books said sucked.

This just further proves what I’ve been saying for years: Teenage girls, in terms of Pop-Culture, are the stupidest demographic of people on Earth. Just behind Radical Religious Fanatics and the Elderly Amish.

Film Drunk - DON’T YOU EYEBALL FUCK ME VAMPIRE!

Friday was a sad day my friends, a sad day indeed. And as you can see, Bats is so discouraged, he’s stopped shaving…