Top 11 Gamers As Found In Real Life

There are gamers of every sort and style.  With each of them comes the stigma attached by society.  Well I’ve got some stigmas to attach of my own.  Let’s whip out the ole soap box and cover Top 10 gamers in real life.  Since lists are better as a countdown, we will rank these in order of how well they stand out as gamers and how deep they are into their madness.

We should go on tour! Yay!

#11 - The Musical Gamer:

Profile: This gamer has been around for a while, but only recently have they come into the spotlight a bit more.  Originally they started out with import Bemani games such as Dance Dance Revolution and Beatmania.  Now with the releases of Rock Band and Guitar Hero we find more and more of these gamers who spend most of their time mastering the various songs and bragging about it to their friends.  Often these are the only real games they play and many refuse to admit that they are a gamer, but they are just fooling themselves.  These are the people you know who act like they are Jimi Hendrix because they can play a level 5 song on the most insane difficulty.

How to find them in real life:  You will see them at Applebee’s when they had Guitar Hero nights.  They can be seen in arcades that have older versions of Dance Dance Revolution or the lesser known Guitar Freaks.  You will find them everywhere now-a-days because they generally don’t consider these as games even though they are often more or less glorified Karaoke devices.

Favored Games: Rock Band, Guitar Hero, Dance Dance Revolution, Beatmania

Type of Car: Anything with enough trunk room to lug around all their “instruments” to their friend’s house.

Music:  All the music from said games so they can practice the rhythm and beat memorization.  

Computer Used For:  Posting their awesome scores on gamefaqs message boards and facebook/myspace.

Attire:  Shirts with their favorite bands and those decorated with various guitar hero references.

You mean people have heard of Braid? Well shoot. That sucks.

#10 - The Indie Gamer:

Profile:  These gamers are more concerned with the artform of the game than anything else.  Rarely will they be seen playing anything that is considered mainstream.  They prefer to stick close to the self-developed titles that speak a message or talk to them in their own ways.  Often carry over a smug attitude at being better than you because they have more refined and unique tastes.  Often will condemn anything they loved the second it becomes popular.

How to find them in real life:  Generally can be found on college campuses “hanging” around the coffee shop or wherever young adults gather.  They can usually be identified by giving speeches to people about how everything in the establishment is bad and wants to explain their views on how politics and corporations are evil and artists are the only thing that matters in the world.  

Favored Games: Nothing you’ve ever heard of, because the moment you’ve heard of it they will stop playing it.

Type of Car: A beat up older car usually decorated with things like animal print seating or back massage beads because it’s cool to not be cool.

Music: Indie music that no one’s heard of and college radio.

Computer Used For:  Writing essays for classes about the terror that was the industrial revolution, and downloading their favorite indie music/games illegally because to pay for them would be conforming to the man.  

Attire:  Shirt of their favorite band for the week.  Ragged jeans.  iPod because Macintosh is an “indie” company in spite of being one of the most profitable companies out at the moment.

Desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu gooble gobble gooble gobble we will make you one of us-desu.

#9 - The Anime Fan Gamer:

Profile: Not to be confused with the JRPG gamer.  This gamer truly is a separate category for a number of reasons.  This is someone who’s so obsessed with Japan and Japanese culture that they clamor for everything from the Far East and condemn anything made by the Western “Gaijin” devil.  Most of the time they are importing or downloading fan translated games to play regardless of their ability to understand Japanese or the concepts that fall within.  

How to find them in real life:  Seen often in the manga section at bookstores or anime section of BestBuy.  You will often encounter them in game stores as they seek out the newest Naruto or Bleach title and eagerly try and explain how awesome they are to people who just really don’t care.  You will also find them come into game stores asking how to mod their system to play imports or how they can order dating sims through the store.  Generally try and use as many Japanese words and phrases that they have learned regardless of whether they are using them correctly or the fact that it sounds ridiculous.

Favored Games: Naruto Games, Bleach Games, Any game that feels even remotely Japanese inspired like Katamari Damacy.

Type of Car: Sedan or Station Wagon with anime plushies and bumper stickers and tons of key chains hanging from the rearview mirror.

Music: JPop and Anime soundtracks.

Computer Used For: Downloading cheap hentai games, reading the latest chapters of their favorite manga,  writing fanfiction where they are a character in their favorite series but more powerful than everyone else.

Attire:  Shirts with their favorite series on them that they picked up at Hot Topic or the now deceased Suncoast.

G-Man’s having a wonderful time.

#8 - The Flash Game Gamer:

Profile: The Flash Game Gamer plays all the most addictive instant satisfaction games online from their favorite websites.  Often a puzzle fanatic they will usually be searching high and low for the latest game to satisfy their fix for matching colorful objects together in various patterns.  

How to find them in real life: You can generally find them anywhere people might be waiting for more than a couple of seconds.  In a flash they will have their phones out playing the mobile versions of their favorite addiction.  Occasionally you might find them in the game store or wal-mart picking up the latest DS versions of their favorite games even if they are just a fairly direct port.  Often are older women and the more technologically advanced grandparents.

Favored Games: Peggle, Any PopCap game, Bookworm, Solitaire, Bejeweled, and pretty much any game that sounds like a creature from a six year old girl’s sketchbook such as Kibblz or Jizzbooty.

Type of Car: Station Wagons, Minivans, SUVs

Music: Country, Pop

Computer Used For: Playing said games, sorting photo albums, chatting on AIM.

Attire: The latest fashions from Target and JC Penny.

It turns out the best game console is your imaaaaaaaginaaation.

#7 - The Console Fanboy/Fangirl:

Profile: This gamer has one console only, and they are damn proud of it.  They will swear up and down by their choice and refuse to relent to anyone’s opinions otherwise.  It doesn’t matter if it’s the Xbox 360, PS3, or Wii.  Everyone else’s choices of consoles are wrong and if you own all three then you are some sort of communist.  This type of person does not like change and can come up with a massive explanation on the spot about why they refuse to do one thing or the other.

How to find them in real life:  They will often be found in the local gamestore standing near the counter and harassing anyone who bought something for a console that’s not their own.  Or they may just be standing around ranting about how awesome their system is regardless of whether or not anyone’s listening.  

Favored Games: The highest rated games for their system.  Generally doesn’t play anything that didn’t score over a 90 on metacritic for fear that it’s different and new.

Type of Car:  SUVs because everyone has one, and often you’ll see a console mascot keychain hanging from the rearview mirror.

Music: Whatever’s popular on the radio.

Computer Used For:  Browsing their favorite console’s forums and trolling everyone else’s.

Attire:  Shirts and hats “representin” their favorite console and mascot games.  

The best PC blinds the other people at the LAN party so they can’t focus on the game at hand.

#6 - The PC Gamer:

Profile:  This breed of gamer is also one of the oldest around.  They often started with a machine that had less memory than a 3.5 Floppy Disk.  These gamers are focused as much on the power of the machines they use to play games as the games themselves.  Often found playing games that are initially PC exclusive, they grew up with adventure games, flight simulators, and the old school shooters.

How to find them in real life:  You will find these gamers often in Best Buy, Fry’s Electronics, or anywhere that has a decent PC game selection and sells parts for their future upgrades.  Usually you will find that this is the tech guy that your company offers or the engineering student on campus.  Rarely do you find a PC gamer (that doesn’t play MMOs) below the age of 20.  

Favored Games: Anything by Valve, id Software, or LucasArts

Type of Car: Sedan or Van with tools scattered around the backseat and leftover computer parts.

Music: Classic rock, techno

Computer Used For:  Playing games, shopping around NewEgg.com, answering tech questions on various forums.

Attire:  Dress shirts and buttoned up shirts, jeans, and a holster for their cell phone for emergency calls.

Hope you like the systems so complex you need to be a Math Major to understand.  

#5 - The “JRPG Player”:

Profile:  This gamer spends their time playing some of the most time consuming and difficult rpg’s out there.  They spend hours working on collecting all the minutest little objects and characters so that they make sure that they get the best ending or ultimate weapons at the end of the game.  They will waste away weeks of their life playing the pointless minigame that they despise because only when you perfect it will you get the super special ultimate armor or spell for a character that they probably won’t even use in the final battle.  Tends to be very OCD, and constantly finds them focused on one task at a time and doing it to perfection.

How to find them in real life:  Often very covert in their interactions in the wild. You will see these people, but not know what they are.  Generally the only real way you can recognize them is by noting that they are listening to what seems to be instrumental music, but is actually the soundtrack for the latest game they’ve been playing.  You can also often find them in the manga section of your local bookstore as they look for manga versions of their favorite game titles.  You will see them most often in game stores pre-ordering the latest collectors edition that comes with soundtrack, artbook, behind the scenes dvd, photo-albums of the developers, a copy of the instruction booklet handbound in human flesh, and whatever else it takes to entice them into picking up a game they probably will never play.

Favored Games: Final Fantasy, Anything imported by Atlus or NIS America.

Type of Car: Usually small and compact to save money so they can better spend it on 90$ collectors editions and merchandise related to their fave games.

Music: Soundtracks of their favorite games downloaded because they don’t want to use the CD included in the collector’s edition for fear of damaging it.

Computer Used For: Reading and writing gamefaqs walkthroughs because no one can possibly complete a JRPG with 100% without following a meticulous guide step by step because it turns out if you open that very first treasure chest in the game you get the bad ending.

Attire: Thrift store clothing and shirts from seven years ago because they can’t afford to upgrade.  

Yeahhhh kiss my balls….I’m totally not gay!

#4 - The "Taunter":

Profile: Anyone who has played a game online knows this person.  This is the guy who will take any moment where they are ahead to harass and call you or your mother out.  He is the player who gets a kick out of humping your corpse and rubbing his avatars balls on your face only to question your sexuality at every chance he gets.  It doesn’t matter that you were killing him non-stop throughout the match.  He got his lucky shot in waiting around that corner while you had no health and wants to rub it in your face.

How to find them in real life: This is the asshat who will pull into the empty lane beside you at a red light so he can gun it when it turns green and cut you off all so that he doesn’t have to wait behind two cars.  I like to call this the "Insert Douche" maneuver.  Other examples include the customer who will ask a question and, when not given the answer they want to hear, will continue to ask the question in different ways and probably try and call you out as a moron.

Favored Games: Call of Duty 4, Counter Strike, Gears of War, Halooooo1o1o11o1o1!!!o11O!1

Type of Car: Pickup Truck

Music: Gangsta Rap, Rock Music popular on the radio.

Computer Used For: Porn, Youtube vids of people getting hit in the crotch, Posting angry comments EVERYWHERE, and generally being an Internet Tough Guy.

Appearance: Shirts of their favorite sports team, jeans, and works out constantly just to prove to everyone how macho and awesomely not gay they are.

I was gonna use a picture of Fatal1ty, but his ego wouldn’t fit on this page.

#3 - The Competitive/Professional Gamer:

Profile:  Everyone had that friend growing up who hated losing at everything.  This was the kid who would take his ball and go home the instant he started losing the game.  They have since moved on to video games where it’s much easier for them to practice constantly without the interference of things like physical ability and needing enough real life friends to play against.  They now spend every moment in research and practice so that they know every location of every power up/weapon in every map along with their respawn timers.  These gamers will make sure they have mastered every combo in a fighter and memorize every enemy spawn in a light gun shooter.

How to find them in real life:  Depending on their game of choice, you can find them in a number of places.  Most times you will find them crowded around a machine at the local arcade with a pile of quarters so that they can get as much practice time in before the local tournament with the 100$ grand prize that they will spend to prepare for the next tournament.  Other than that you generally won’t see them due to their constant work at home practicing.  If you encounter them in the world they are the person who has to turn everything into a competition unless it has to do with anything physical in nature.  These are the people who will always try and invite people who’ve never played games before in their life to their LAN parties or local arcade’s so they can show of their super skills.

Favored Games:  Arcade Shooters, Fighter Games, First Person Shooters, Starcraft.

Type of Car: Convertible paid for by their “contest” earnings.

Music: None.  They generally will have headphones on only to hear the smallest sound that will give away the enemies position.

Computer Used For: Re-watching games they’ve played prior and other tournaments to best figure out how to beat specific opponents and certain stages.

Attire:  Clothing covered in so many brands and labels that they look like a NASCAR vehicle.  Ironically they generally don’t have any of the endorsements that they say they do.

Just another day of WTF in Second Life.

#2 - The Virtual Worlder:

Profile: This gamer, if you can call what they play games, spends most of their time exploring virtual worlds where you don’t necessarily play in the normal sense.  Generally they play games that are more or less glorified interactive chat rooms with occasional mini-games scattered here and there.  

How to find them in real life:  Generally they are very secretive about their lifestyle. Even if you mention their favorite virtual world by name in conversation, they will more than likely pretend they’ve never heard of it or casually defend it without confirming that they actually play it.  Often times you will find this person in class or at work sketching art of their perceived avatar hanging out and having fun with the other avatars they’ve met online.

Favored Games:  Second Life, Habbo Hotel, There.com, Furcadia

Type of Car: Usually a two seater filled with junk food wrappers from shame eating.

Music: Depressing and angsty because the world around them just isn’t as good as their virtual ones.

Computer Used For: Visiting their virtual world, browsing/posting to DeviantArt and LiveJournal.  

Attire: Often wearing multiple layers of clothing because they don’t feel comfortable as themselves and want to hide from the world around them.  Usually has long hair for same reasoning.

Overused picture? Yes.  Still super accurate? Hell yes.

#1 - The “MMO Player”:

Profile: Thanks to a certain game, everyone now has been or knows one of these people.  This is that guy you know, but you don’t see very often.  You used to be the best of pals and hung out all the time.  Now the only time you see them is at work/class.  There they spend all their time talking about their latest endeavors in slaying dragons and getting “phat lewts”.  Heaven forbid they had a bad run the night before, they will certainly let you know about it explaining to you in a language that seems to be almost entirely made of acronyms.  

How to find them in real life:  You generally don’t find them in the wild unless they are a coworker/classmate.  The few times you might run into one you don’t know is in the grocery store stocking up on microwaveable pizzas and Mountain Dew based on their favorite game’s faction.  (That blue kind turns your poop bright green.  Seriously.)  

Favored Games: World of Warcraft, Everquest, Warhammer Online, FFXI Online

Type of Car: Anything with a motor.  Usually incredibly dirty and has bumper stickers like “My other mount is an epic flier.”

Music: Metal, Techno, Nothing that’s recent though.

Computer Used For: Stat calculations, examining loot tables, Ventrillo, reading about how their favorite class got nerfed, ranting on forums about how their favorite class got nerfed, and ranting on forums about how other classes need nerfed.

Attire: Shirt representing their favorite faction/class, pants with food stains on them, dirty hair because they didn’t take time to shower in days, stubble (both men and women).

Sound off B!K!: Know people like this? Think I’m being to general with the categories?  Any category you’d like to add?