Top 11 Video Game Worlds You DON'T Want to Live In

I recently checked out an article about the Top 10 Video Game Worlds You Want to Live In and well I came away unimpressed.  Well in retrospect I would like to take a look at the Top 10 Game Worlds you DON’T want to live in.  

My testicles burn with urine fury!

#11 The Sims World:  Imagine your boring hum drum life.  You eat, work, sleep, and repeat till death.  If you’re lucky you get a couple of hours each week you get to do something fun like play a game or watch TV.  Now imagine living in a world where time goes by so fast that you have to constantly battle your daily needs just to survive.  This is a hellish world where you come home from work and are stuck deciding on whether you can eat or shower before you go to bed.  This is a world where you live for only a month and you spent most of your life complaining because you couldn’t reach the toilet that was 10 feet away.

Ah the joy of waking up and getting to see that face everyday on your way to work.

#10 City 17(Half-Life 2): Dystopia at its best.  Welcome to being a number in a jumpsuit.  Go to work, go home, sleep, go to work.  That’s bad enough.  Now imagine that you’re constantly on the lookout for all sorts of terrifying creatures.  “What’s this strange rope hanging from the ceiling?  Maybe it’s a light switch…crap I’m stuck to it.  Oh god it’s pulling me up…What’s that up there OH GOD NO!”  As if the barnacles weren’t bad enough.  You can just be walking along minding your own business aaaand headcrabbed!  Maybe you’ll be lucky and get a nice job by the beach.  Take a little stroll.  What’s that sound? Ahshit run!!!  It’s no wonder so many people join the resistance.  Better hope the one Free Man isn’t too busy throwing toilets at people with the gravity gun to save your asses.

How appropriate, you fight like a dairy farmer.

#09 Point-And-Click Adventure World (Sam & Max, Maniac Mansion, Secret of Monkey Island):  Sure these worlds seem like a lot of fun at first.  Man will it get confusing fast though.  First off you would have to lug around a wheelbarrow everywhere you go due to the fact that you need to pick up and carry every item in case it comes in handy later on.  Secondly you would constantly be battling with complex and crazy puzzles for the simplest task.  Need a drink of water? First you need to place the [Rotten Cheese] outside the mouse hole to lure out the [Mouse].  Then catch the [Mouse] and use it to distract the [Poisonous Snake] in the nearby sewer so you can fix the [Loose Pipe].  Then you need to trade the [Banana] that you got from the [Deranged City Monkey] to the [Antique Dealer] to get a [Crystal Goblet].  Then you can finally get a [Glass of Water] from your [Fixed Faucet].  

Let’s hope he’s not hungry.

#08 Black & White World:  Welcome to a world where religion is a god is a visibly active force and his avatar is lucky to be smart enough not to eat his own poop.  Every day of your life is spent in worship and fear.  Have an evil god? Don’t be surprised to be walking along one day only to be picked up and thrown off into the ocean.  Have a good god? You’ll be spending your days building monuments and temples just in the hopes that some day he doesn’t change his mind and drop a rock on your ass.  If that’s not bad enough, you have to deal with God’s avatar.  This is a brainless giant who will bury you in a pile of shit because it’s too stupid to walk outside the city.  This is a lumbering oaf who will pick you up and eat you because it’s hungry even though the food supply you spend the past week collecting for it was two feet away.  Your god doesn’t care.  He’s just going to give it a slap on the wrist in hopes that it might not do it again.  Heaven hates you if you have an evil avatar.  Why on earth would you still live in a city at the point!?  It’s clear that each city has its own god.  Your best bet is to hightail it for the hills and hope god doesn’t find your little hut hidden away.

Honestly. This game is just awesome.

#07 Carmageddon World: This is a world where death races are everywhere.  Cars designed for the sole purpose of slaughtering people and tearing up other cars speed down busy city streets.  As if this wasn’t bad enough, the drivers are actually encouraged to run you down and are given more points based on your age/disability.  No place is safe here.  You could be thirty stories up working on construction of a building, and some car will ramp off something just to hit you off the steel girder you were perched upon.  Maybe you’ll get lucky and someone will actually try and just finish the race instead of veering off the track to cause mayhem.  Luckily they counteracted that by building race track routes that lead through football stadiums and malls to make sure that your every waking moment was filled with the fear of a car engine.  I’d hate to see the DMV in this world.

Babes of the Caribbean….seriously.

#06 Duke Nukem World: Are you named Duke Nukem? No? Then be prepared to constantly run from your life from Pig Cops and other horrendous monsters that have taken over.  The only chance in hell you have of surviving in Duke Nukem world is if you’re a stripper.  For some reason the monsters never attack strippers as they make up about 40% of the population.  Now if you’re female and not a stripper you’re just as screwed as you’ll most likely be strung up, stripped bare, and then just left there helpless.  This is a strange world to begin with what with theme park rides like Babes of the Caribbean and fast food joints surrounded by giant brick walls.  

Dag nabbit Tellah! Learn Meteor already!

#05 Any RPG World: You wake up bright and early and grab your sword.  You decide to get the mail so you step outside and walk a step RANDOM ENCOUNTER!!!! Monsters coming out nowhere!  You brandish your sword and vanquish your foes.  Bruised and exhausted you take two more steps on your journey to get the mail RANDOM ENCOUNTER!!!!  You get the picture here.  Imagine a world where there are monsters everywhere that you can never see.  This is a world that would breed paranoia.  Never knowing when the attack is going to come.  You don’t dare step outside town!  They’re going to eat your face! Even if you get strong enough to take them down there will always be more and once a week some mega baddie will try and destroy the world.  

Oh god I just wanted to walk next door!

#04 Fallout World:  Welcome to the Wasteland.  Take your first step out of the Vault….OH GOD A SCORPION THE SIZE OF A BUICK!  While most of us love the game and experiencing the world, the world itself is like a hellish nightmare.  Society is in ruins.  Water is radiated so you can’t even get a drink without making yourself sick.  Heaven forbid you try and wander outside.  If the giant insects and irradiated mutants don’t get you, then the raiders and cannibals will.  Even worse is if you end up a Ghoul.  Then you have to deal with racism as well!  The Wasteland; where the best you can hope for is dying in a tin shack alone from radiation sickness because you drank a bit too much water that day.

If you know what gear they are wearing…just shoot yourself now.

#03 Azeroth: This may be a bit of a question to some, but just think about this for a moment.  Can you imagine living in a place where monsters are everywhere?  Step foot outside of a town for a moment and everything is trying to kill you.  If the boars and beastmen don’t get you, the warring factions will.  Sure you could still get back to your body via some weird nonsense magic (Have they explained how people perma-die in WoW lore yet?), but that would be a hell of an annoying existence.  Heaven forbid you try and actually get stronger.  You would be constantly under threat from people stealing every little thing you found, and constantly cleaning blood and monster gore out of the simplest little trinket or gold piece you find.  Think of the overpopulation! This is a world of millions where the number of actual houses is under 1,000.  Hope you like sleeping on the dirt and being woken up every 10 minutes cause someone walked up and stabbed you in the back.

“Hang In There”

#02 Zombie World (Left 4 Dead/Dead Rising/Resident Evil):  This is about as bad as it gets.  Everything is trying to kill you.  Now for many people zombie worlds seem like fun.  Keep in mind this is maybe for like an hour or so.  Imagine a life where you’re constantly hiding or running from hordes of your neighbors trying to eat you alive.  This is a world where ammunition is more important than food.  Maybe you’ll get lucky.  Maybe you’ll find a nice group of fellow survivors.  Then maybe you’ll also find out that they like to spend their spare time raping people and eating babies.  Honestly.  Why are survivors always so crazy-ass insane?  And if the zombies and survivors weren’t bad enough, there are always the special monster zombies that are even more dangerous and more bloodthirsty than the rest.  

Say hello to your *shudder* neighbors.

#01 Second Life: Good gracious.  This is a pandora’s box of nightmares.  The idea of living in this world is more horrible than I can possibly imagine.  This is a world in which penises rain from the skies like phallic hail of doom.  Another concept is just the way the world works.  This is a world where creation lies at the hands of the people inhabiting it, and there are no rules or limitations.  People without rules and boundaries are capable of creating some of the most disturbing things from your worst nightmare.  The worst part about this world though is that interacting with anything in the world leaves you open to control by that object.  As soon as you use something you are forced to interact with it how the creator designed it.  You never know what to expect.  You go to use a couch to sit down, and instead find yourself being raped by a unicorn.  

Sound Off B!K!: Any other terrible worlds?